Things are changing a lot right now. Changes in living situations, and changes in me. First of all, I was supposed to be moving to a new family in an entirely different region of Ecuador this Thursday, September 1st. Ali and I went with a couple of our friends to see the new town last weekend, and we met our new host moms and saw our new houses. We spent the night a few minutes away from our new town in a really cute cabin where there were hot springs. The weekend was fun, but both Ali and I realized that we had no desire to move there. Before we came to Ecuador we made a plan to live with one host family for a month and a half, and another family for a month and a half. A few weeks into living with our current host families we changed that plan and decided to live with our current families for two months and the other families for only one month. But now we want to change the plan yet again. All these changes in plans are not because of flakiness or indecisiveness, but our experiences made our priorities change. We feel that we are finally getting to know our host families, and they have really become like family to us here. Language barriers prevented us from connecting with our families quickly in the beginning and now that we have finally built close relationships with them, we don´t want to leave. I want to continue to grow with the family I have now. I feel like I have finally broken down the walls of language and cultural differences with them and I want to continue to grow closer with them, rather than picking up and leaving to go to a new place and have to start all over again with a new family. We talked to the directors of our organization and we worked out a compromise where we will move to the new families for the first two weeks of September, and then move back to our current families to finish out the last two weeks of September. I´m not sure how I feel about moving for those two weeks, but it is definitely a compromise that I am willing to agree to and the experience could be really amazing.
As happy as I am here, I have been having a hard time the last several days. I am not homesick, and I don´t have a desire to be back in my life at home. However, I think I am just realizing more and more the absence of the people that I love back home. I truly have the most amazing family, friends, and boyfriend and lately I have just been noticing the void of their presence in my every day life. I am not as lonely as I was the first month but I definitely miss having my days filled with people who know me and love me, and who I know and love. Thankfully however, the relationship that I have with my host family is growing so much and they are truly starting to feel like family. When I came back yesterday after being gone all weekend I can´t even explain how good it felt. I felt like I was really coming home ... to a family who loves me and a house that I know. And I am so thankful that I have Ali here as well. She is such an amazing friend and provides so much comfort and support for me. I love being on this adventure with her.
It is also really hard for me to be so far away when I have friends going through so many things back home. I can´t seperate my friends´pain from my pain, so trying to be present in my life here while friends are hurting back home is just not happening. My thoughts are filled with people back home and everything that they are going through, and it is just hard to be so far away. Not that I would be able to change anything or even offer much support if I were back home, but there is just something that feels better about being in the same country as them. I am trying to send love and support from hundreds (thousands?) of miles away and just pray, pray, pray. I told my host family about how I was sad to be away from a particular friend who is going through some very sad times with family, and they told me to send a smoke signal. They´re funny.
I feel like there is always so much I could write about on here, but I don´t think it is all necessary :) I am missing you all a TON ... and I have pictures that I will try to post soon! love love love you all!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
It is now less than 70 days until Nich and Alison arrive at the Quito airport. I am so excited for them to be here. Sometimes it feels like a dream come true that I get to travel around South America for two weeks with my best friend and my boyfriend, and of course with Ali! My two worlds are coming together, an APU friend and my life long best friends will all be travelling together.
I get more happy and content here as each day goes on. I feel so much more comfortable with where I am at and with my life here. I think I have said this before, but sometimes I actually forget that I am in Ecuador. Life is becoming so normal here that it no longer feels like a temporary trip to a foreign country. I am getting better at being alone too. Some of my favorite times are when my family drops me off in town and I just wander around by myself. I walk through the markets admiring all the fruits and vegetables, many of which I have never seen before, I buy way too much bread (and ice cream) for myself, and I just enjoy the fact that I am living one of my lifelong dreams of living in a foreign country. There are so many times when I think to myself, "I can´t believe this is my life right now!" I am loving it more and more every day, and I am rarely homesick anymore. There are times when loneliness and the longing for something familiar still overwhelm me, but they are always short lived and do not make me feel as weak and sad as I used to feel.
Several weeks ago I finished reading a book called Gracias!, by Henry Nouwen. Henry Nouwen is a priest who lived in Bolivia and Peru for several months living alongside the poor. This book gave me more peace, encouragement, wisdom, and inspiration than I could have ever imagined that it would. There is a part in the book where he is talking about his prayer life. He says that each day he committed a full hour to silent time with the Lord. He would either pray or just sit in silence in the presence of God. He explained that often times this hour was not in any way enjoyable or powerful. Most of the time he was distracted, fidgety, unable to focus on praying, and just wanting the hour to be over. But that hour was his commitment to the Lord. Because he committed that time to God every single day, he was able to truly see God at work in his life and his daily life was deeply impacted by that one hour of prayer each day. So often when I pray I want to see immediate results, or feel immediate peace and intimacy with God. But that isn´t always the case. Sometimes prayer is so hard for me to do. It is hard to sit in silence, to not be distracted by so many other things, and it is hard to keep my mind focused on the Lord. Since being in Ecuador I have been really trying to commit time to prayer every single day. Sometimes it is so hard, sometimes I really don´t want to do it, but I am committed to this relationship with God even if I never feel that warm fuzzy feeling inside or see immediate results like I want. I am realizing that it is about a relationship, not a feeling. I have never been closer to God in my whole life. All of my comforts have been stripped away from me and I realized quickly in the beginning of this that I couldn´t do this without the strength of God to bring me through these four months. I have never known so confidently how real God is. I have never experienced His presence so strongly and so consistently. There are still hard times here, there are still days when I don´t pray, but I know that God is with me and that I am not alone or without His love and mercy. Prayer is so important and so powerful ... I see the truth of this more and more every single day! When I am happy and things are good, I want to rejoice with the Lord. When times are tough and I am weak and broken, I want to turn first to Jesus for his grace and love.
I hope that you all are doing well, and I can´t wait to see everyone in November!
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis
I get more happy and content here as each day goes on. I feel so much more comfortable with where I am at and with my life here. I think I have said this before, but sometimes I actually forget that I am in Ecuador. Life is becoming so normal here that it no longer feels like a temporary trip to a foreign country. I am getting better at being alone too. Some of my favorite times are when my family drops me off in town and I just wander around by myself. I walk through the markets admiring all the fruits and vegetables, many of which I have never seen before, I buy way too much bread (and ice cream) for myself, and I just enjoy the fact that I am living one of my lifelong dreams of living in a foreign country. There are so many times when I think to myself, "I can´t believe this is my life right now!" I am loving it more and more every day, and I am rarely homesick anymore. There are times when loneliness and the longing for something familiar still overwhelm me, but they are always short lived and do not make me feel as weak and sad as I used to feel.
Several weeks ago I finished reading a book called Gracias!, by Henry Nouwen. Henry Nouwen is a priest who lived in Bolivia and Peru for several months living alongside the poor. This book gave me more peace, encouragement, wisdom, and inspiration than I could have ever imagined that it would. There is a part in the book where he is talking about his prayer life. He says that each day he committed a full hour to silent time with the Lord. He would either pray or just sit in silence in the presence of God. He explained that often times this hour was not in any way enjoyable or powerful. Most of the time he was distracted, fidgety, unable to focus on praying, and just wanting the hour to be over. But that hour was his commitment to the Lord. Because he committed that time to God every single day, he was able to truly see God at work in his life and his daily life was deeply impacted by that one hour of prayer each day. So often when I pray I want to see immediate results, or feel immediate peace and intimacy with God. But that isn´t always the case. Sometimes prayer is so hard for me to do. It is hard to sit in silence, to not be distracted by so many other things, and it is hard to keep my mind focused on the Lord. Since being in Ecuador I have been really trying to commit time to prayer every single day. Sometimes it is so hard, sometimes I really don´t want to do it, but I am committed to this relationship with God even if I never feel that warm fuzzy feeling inside or see immediate results like I want. I am realizing that it is about a relationship, not a feeling. I have never been closer to God in my whole life. All of my comforts have been stripped away from me and I realized quickly in the beginning of this that I couldn´t do this without the strength of God to bring me through these four months. I have never known so confidently how real God is. I have never experienced His presence so strongly and so consistently. There are still hard times here, there are still days when I don´t pray, but I know that God is with me and that I am not alone or without His love and mercy. Prayer is so important and so powerful ... I see the truth of this more and more every single day! When I am happy and things are good, I want to rejoice with the Lord. When times are tough and I am weak and broken, I want to turn first to Jesus for his grace and love.
I hope that you all are doing well, and I can´t wait to see everyone in November!
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
finally some pictures!
It isn't very many, but here are some pictures of where I live. I've barely brought my camera out since I've been here so I really need to start taking some more pictures!
This is the view from my bedroom window. That is the Cayambe volcano which you can only see on really clear days ...
This picture shows the exact same mountains where the volcano is, except you would never even know that a volcano is there because the clouds completely cover it!
During the weekend of the big fiesta, you can hear these people walking down the streets playing music and dancing. When we heard them coming my family frantically started piling food on plates for the group of musicians. Then once they arrived at our house and ate TONS of food, we joined them and danced and sang all the way to the center of town.
Dancing and singing all the way to town ...
Once you get to the center of town, you literally do not stop dancing and singing for the entire night. The songs are so pretty and fun to sing (even though I just had to sing "watermelon watermelon..." the whole time because I didn't know the words). The dancing is not so much dancing as it is rythmic walking ... which was good for me since we all know that my dancing abilities don't go beyond junior high freak dancing. Just kidding... kinda.
I don't care what anyone says about not eating street food ... empanadas off the street are the best things I have ever tasted! I could sit next to the little stand and eat them allllll day.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I have to begin this post being honest with you all ... I really don´t feel like writing right now. I just recieved several emails as well and as much as I want to respond for other peoples´ sake, I am just not in the writing mood. So while this post may not be the best, longest, most detailed one yet, I still wanted to let you guys know how I am doing.
Right now I am sitting in a place called "Coffeenet." When I saw this sign on the building I got SO excited that there is a place with coffee and internet because that is something I have been wanting so badly! So I come inside, look around, and there is definitely no coffee here. Just a bunch of computers with stickers on them that say "Coffeenet" ... what a let down! False advertising! I´m not really sure what made them decide to go with this name for the place but they should really change it so that people don´t get confused because this name could create much confusion. So for now I will sit in my coffee shop sans coffee and fill you in on my life!
I am really settling in here. Sometimes I completely forget that I am in a foreign country and that I am actually on my GLT. It is beginning to feel more and more like normal life now that I am more familiar with my surroundings and my daily routines. It is still challenging, lonely, and hard a lot of times, but believe me when I say it is SO much better. The Austrian volunteer who has been living with my family left yesterday and I think that this is going to be really good for me. It might be lonelier now that I don´t have someone to speak some English to or help translate for me, but it is so necessary. I don´t want to become friends with another foreigner, I want to become friends with my family. I don´t want to help someone else practice their English, I want to practice my Spanish. I am happy to finally just be with the family and only speak Spanish all day every day. Yesterday I spent the whole day with my host family (which I do most days) and it was just so good to be around them so much and be forced to speak Spanish as much as possible. Even though I can only say very basic statements, and I mess up a lot, I really am determined to improve. I have really only been speaking the language now for about four weeks, since my first two weeks in Ecuador I had a lot of English speakers around me. Sometimes I get so discouraged that I am not better at Spanish, but then I remember that it has only been a few weeks and that I can really only get better from here ... I hope! There have been times where I am holding back tears because of how awful my Spanish is. All I want to do is have conversations with my family, tell them about my life, tell them how much I love them and their culture, joke around with them, and ask them more about themselves ... but instead I have to just settle with surfacey conversations and a lot of silence on my part because of how limited I am in the language. It is such a struggle but it is all a part of the process.
I am getting a lot more used to peeling chicken feathers. I´m not going to even slightly pretend that I like it in anyway, and in fact there have been times where I want to cry because of how much I don´t want to touch another chicken. But ultimately I want to be fully immersed. I want to work alongside my family, do what they do, live how they live, and be as much a part of their family as I possibly can during this time. And if the family business is peeling feathers off of dead chickens and selling them around town then that´s what I´m going to do with them! The garden is almost ready to plant vegetables in, so hopefully we will get to do that in the next couple weeks so I can have a little break from the chickens.
I love my host family more and more every day. You guys, they are seriously so cool. Last week my host dad (who is the happiest, kindest, funniest person ever) gave me a few Spanish classes. On the last day of classes we walked down to the river behind their house and as we walked he told me about his life and then made me tell him about my life ... basically mini-autobiographies, to practice speaking a lot more. He told me about his indigenous heritage and about their different festivals and traditions. It was so fascinating, I absolutely love learning about the Quechuan history and culture. He told me about the different indigenous cultures throughout Ecuador and some differences between different people and places. He went on to tell me about how Mestizos (people of Spanish and native descent) often look down on the indigenous people. In the community that we live in everyone is indigenous except for three families, and he said that these three families often boast about being NOT indigenous, as if it is a bad thing. He said there is often a lack of respect and understanding between the mestizos and the indigenous people, but he just wishes everyone would realize they are all equal and can live among each other in harmony and with respect for one another. I don´t know why but I wanted to cry when he was talking to me about all of this. I think just because I have so much love and admiration for this family, and to hear him say that some people look down on indigenous people made me so sad. I was so thankful that he shared these things from his heart and I love how proud he is of his indigenous heritage regardless of what anybody else may think. The families in the community in which I live work so hard to preserve their indigenous traditions and culture, and I am so thankful that they do. They are the most beautiful people and I would never want their culture to be lost. I love my host family more and more every day and I just hope that I am able to express that to them by the end of this. I always just want to tell them, "You guys are so amazing!" ... but they would look at me like I´m crazy because they do not know what those words mean. Hopefully I can figure out how to say how I feel about them before I leave. Also, funny thing about my Spanish classes with my host dad ... He is a musician and writes and plays lots of music, so he teaches me songs in Spanish and then makes me sing them out loud by myself! As most of you know I am definitely NOT a singer (except for my perfect impressions of Cristina Aguilera) but I just have to embrace it and go for it! Ha, in any other situation this would be so embarassing but I just get over it and sing away.
I went to a wedding this past weekend and it was so much fun! I love seeing and experiencing more of Ecuadorian culture and going to a wedding was SUCH a good way to experience more of it! I don´t think I can really explain to you guys how much food you have to eat at any special occasion in Ecuador. Basically they bring you a meal, usually soup with a bunch of meat and potatoes and corn, and when you are finished with this you are satisfied. But then they bring you a second plate immediately after piled HIGH with chicken, ribs, guinea pig, pork, the biggest potatoes you´ve ever seen, mota (basically corn), and lettuce. And then you get cake, and candy, and a whooooole lotta "Chicha" (a traditional drink that you have to drink about five gallons of at each gathering because it is rude to not take it when it is offered to you 75 times).
Ok, I need to go now because I am trying to make today a homework day! I haven´t done homework in a few weeks and that is not good. I love you all! Pray that I don´t get bird flu from the chickens! :) And pray that I miraculously become fluent in Spanish in the next few weeks. Our God is a God of miracles, amen?!
So much for this not being a long post....? What the heck my little fingers just went crazy and I wrote so much!
Right now I am sitting in a place called "Coffeenet." When I saw this sign on the building I got SO excited that there is a place with coffee and internet because that is something I have been wanting so badly! So I come inside, look around, and there is definitely no coffee here. Just a bunch of computers with stickers on them that say "Coffeenet" ... what a let down! False advertising! I´m not really sure what made them decide to go with this name for the place but they should really change it so that people don´t get confused because this name could create much confusion. So for now I will sit in my coffee shop sans coffee and fill you in on my life!
I am really settling in here. Sometimes I completely forget that I am in a foreign country and that I am actually on my GLT. It is beginning to feel more and more like normal life now that I am more familiar with my surroundings and my daily routines. It is still challenging, lonely, and hard a lot of times, but believe me when I say it is SO much better. The Austrian volunteer who has been living with my family left yesterday and I think that this is going to be really good for me. It might be lonelier now that I don´t have someone to speak some English to or help translate for me, but it is so necessary. I don´t want to become friends with another foreigner, I want to become friends with my family. I don´t want to help someone else practice their English, I want to practice my Spanish. I am happy to finally just be with the family and only speak Spanish all day every day. Yesterday I spent the whole day with my host family (which I do most days) and it was just so good to be around them so much and be forced to speak Spanish as much as possible. Even though I can only say very basic statements, and I mess up a lot, I really am determined to improve. I have really only been speaking the language now for about four weeks, since my first two weeks in Ecuador I had a lot of English speakers around me. Sometimes I get so discouraged that I am not better at Spanish, but then I remember that it has only been a few weeks and that I can really only get better from here ... I hope! There have been times where I am holding back tears because of how awful my Spanish is. All I want to do is have conversations with my family, tell them about my life, tell them how much I love them and their culture, joke around with them, and ask them more about themselves ... but instead I have to just settle with surfacey conversations and a lot of silence on my part because of how limited I am in the language. It is such a struggle but it is all a part of the process.
I am getting a lot more used to peeling chicken feathers. I´m not going to even slightly pretend that I like it in anyway, and in fact there have been times where I want to cry because of how much I don´t want to touch another chicken. But ultimately I want to be fully immersed. I want to work alongside my family, do what they do, live how they live, and be as much a part of their family as I possibly can during this time. And if the family business is peeling feathers off of dead chickens and selling them around town then that´s what I´m going to do with them! The garden is almost ready to plant vegetables in, so hopefully we will get to do that in the next couple weeks so I can have a little break from the chickens.
I love my host family more and more every day. You guys, they are seriously so cool. Last week my host dad (who is the happiest, kindest, funniest person ever) gave me a few Spanish classes. On the last day of classes we walked down to the river behind their house and as we walked he told me about his life and then made me tell him about my life ... basically mini-autobiographies, to practice speaking a lot more. He told me about his indigenous heritage and about their different festivals and traditions. It was so fascinating, I absolutely love learning about the Quechuan history and culture. He told me about the different indigenous cultures throughout Ecuador and some differences between different people and places. He went on to tell me about how Mestizos (people of Spanish and native descent) often look down on the indigenous people. In the community that we live in everyone is indigenous except for three families, and he said that these three families often boast about being NOT indigenous, as if it is a bad thing. He said there is often a lack of respect and understanding between the mestizos and the indigenous people, but he just wishes everyone would realize they are all equal and can live among each other in harmony and with respect for one another. I don´t know why but I wanted to cry when he was talking to me about all of this. I think just because I have so much love and admiration for this family, and to hear him say that some people look down on indigenous people made me so sad. I was so thankful that he shared these things from his heart and I love how proud he is of his indigenous heritage regardless of what anybody else may think. The families in the community in which I live work so hard to preserve their indigenous traditions and culture, and I am so thankful that they do. They are the most beautiful people and I would never want their culture to be lost. I love my host family more and more every day and I just hope that I am able to express that to them by the end of this. I always just want to tell them, "You guys are so amazing!" ... but they would look at me like I´m crazy because they do not know what those words mean. Hopefully I can figure out how to say how I feel about them before I leave. Also, funny thing about my Spanish classes with my host dad ... He is a musician and writes and plays lots of music, so he teaches me songs in Spanish and then makes me sing them out loud by myself! As most of you know I am definitely NOT a singer (except for my perfect impressions of Cristina Aguilera) but I just have to embrace it and go for it! Ha, in any other situation this would be so embarassing but I just get over it and sing away.
I went to a wedding this past weekend and it was so much fun! I love seeing and experiencing more of Ecuadorian culture and going to a wedding was SUCH a good way to experience more of it! I don´t think I can really explain to you guys how much food you have to eat at any special occasion in Ecuador. Basically they bring you a meal, usually soup with a bunch of meat and potatoes and corn, and when you are finished with this you are satisfied. But then they bring you a second plate immediately after piled HIGH with chicken, ribs, guinea pig, pork, the biggest potatoes you´ve ever seen, mota (basically corn), and lettuce. And then you get cake, and candy, and a whooooole lotta "Chicha" (a traditional drink that you have to drink about five gallons of at each gathering because it is rude to not take it when it is offered to you 75 times).
Ok, I need to go now because I am trying to make today a homework day! I haven´t done homework in a few weeks and that is not good. I love you all! Pray that I don´t get bird flu from the chickens! :) And pray that I miraculously become fluent in Spanish in the next few weeks. Our God is a God of miracles, amen?!
So much for this not being a long post....? What the heck my little fingers just went crazy and I wrote so much!
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